I’ve had a difficult time this week getting movitated to do a blog post: first of all because I can’t pull myself away from the coverage of the tragedies unfolding in Japan, and second of all because I’d already decided to blog about bullying which isn’t all that fun to write about. Unfortunately though, it’s something that as a parent of a child on the autism spectrum, I am all too familiar with.
The first time I realized that my son was being bullied was when he was in grade four. I had gone to pick him up at school and the school patrollers, who were in grade six, started calling him “doofus” right in front of me. As my heart was breaking, I turned to a student and asked, “Why did you just call him that?” She replied. without batting an eye, “Oh, everyone does!”
A huge part of Asperger’s Syndrome is not being able to pick up on social cues. It can lead to some annoying behaviours, but in the case of my son and many others, the children are highly intelligent and can be taught appropriate ways to act. Sadly, some others aren’t as worried about appropriate behaviours, and when the Asperger’s child is being mistreated they don’t always know what to do. Telling us that almost all of the older students were calling him names would have been a good start for my child, but I can’t honestly say whether or not I would’ve believed him if I hadn’t seen it for myself.
Once I realized what was happening, I called to principal to inform him what had transpired. It was actually the first time I’d ever contacted the school with such a concern, but in retrospect I should have been a lot more diligent. (I once read a parenting manual that said when it comes to children, “the first two are throwaways” meaning that we really don’t know what we’re doing with our first couple of kids.) That was certainly true for me trying to navigate through the education system with a first born child with autism.
When I made the call, it turned out that the principal was away and I had to deal with the vice principal who did not handle the situation well. She called me back and told me that the child that started the name calling in the first place was much smaller in stature than my son even though he was two years older. In her mind that made everything okay. This was before the Columbine and Taber high school shootings when bullying awareness was at an all time low.
Things have improved somewhat, but not without parental intervention.
When my son was in high school he was being tormented by a small group of boys. We were unaware that this was happening. He eventually punched one of them which caused a big brouhaha. Through the intervention of my husband at the administrative and board level the bullying was acknowledged and the bullies were suspended even though it was my son who had struck back..
A grade eight student who was being bullied was recently suspended from a local middle school for punching one of her tormentors. She was suspended and the bullies were not because the school didn’t have a record of the bullying and she had hit another student. What I have learned between the first and the fourth child is ANY bullying needs to be reported to the school for just such a reason. My 11 year old has had two very minor instances where he was bullied. Both times I called the school and they were dealt with promptly and effectively.
Meanwhile, in Australia a bigger boy who was being bullied by a smaller boy finally had enough and retaliated in quite a dramatic fashion. The video of this altercation went viral and the cyberworld’s support for the bigger boy has been overwhelming. The fact that this video has struck such a chord is further proof that much more work needs to be done when it comes to bullying prevention.
Haggard but Happy 